on life.

so all that I've said before about keeping up on journal writing was true in fact, but only true to the extent of my hand holding a pen on a pad of paper. It obviously did not take long for me to fall out of touch with updating life on the internet. I feel the need to apologize to the people that care to know and the people that I care to keep in contact with. I have so many stories collected from travels, pictures of places, and though only a small amount of recorded footage, the minutes are increasing rapidly as the winter warms and the days get longer. I would like to share, maybe with a letter or post card, or with good time, in person.

my time here is at mid point and the second semester of study is already under way. I have moved out of the university international housing complex into a flat atop pine hill in a room with a view of the city and harbour. it's quaint and quiet, cold yet comfortable, and gives a reason to stay in shape when biking home. I could be a recluse to the dunedin bar scene, but I think its a good thing. I've been reading more, writing more, biking more, exploring more, and getting more active within the university clubs and city events. I also started baking bread again and can smell it in the oven now.

With all said, life is good. Staying the length I chose was a positive thing and I'm certainly glad I did. Who knew that you could ever see the winter in the middle of July?

names etched in wood

I close my eyes to see something inside myself. I’m trying to remember something I meant to say. I try and see what the picture of myself was last year. I try to put myself in my head six months ago. I try. and I cannot. I open my eyes. I wrote in my journal the day that I got here. "Here I am, on the other side of the world, with so much to come, before only dreams and perceptions and now a reality. And in ten months from now, after all of this, I will return. And so it begins." every step was like a fresh new stride, every turn was a brand new sight, every day was new beginning. and only now there is repetition, a wanderless day, a dull night spent on the internet, writing feelings in blogs. homework assignments that are a struggle to complete, only to be put aside to go to the bar and socialize with mates. to put off responsibility in attempts to make the most out of everything. attempts. attempts of actually saying more than one sentence of pessimistic and cynical garble, when I’m so blessed to be here. I am blessed, and I am truly thankful. I am trying to pinpoint this feeling that I have in my stomach. it creeps into my chest. it rattles inside my head. it might be a bit of anxiety of schoolwork. a bit of me being nervous I’m not making the right decisions with how I spend my time, spend my money, spend my thoughts while never bothering to write them down. a week from today will mark two months. before I left I spent more money on a cannon xha1 digital HD camera then I have for any material object I’ve ever laid my hands on. such an amazing piece of machinery will take this beautiful place and put it on the screen with crystal clear picture and an ability to produce 1080 i quality high-definition. and what have I used the camera for so far? nothing substantial or even worth posting yet because it is almost too nice, too fragile to take out of the case and bring out into the beautiful harmful bush, scenic countryside, and so on. and even after all of this I did not bother to notice I was not armed with the right cord to transfer video to my laptop. garble, garbley, goo. any whoo. tomorrow is another day, with forecast for sunshine and warm rays. and now for wishful, hopeful thoughts. in good time I will complete the gap of time between the last date in my journal and these first few entries. all of memories and moments splashing around inside. routine and peace of mind. I am terribly repeating myself. like a record, spinning round.

connected, content

Sitting in a small patch of grass in the middle of the Otago campus I browse articles on the New York Times website in attempt to stay a bit connected with the world back home. Posting pictures on the web, skyping with family, updates on facebook and blogs, all keeping distance no factor in close communication. It seems trite but as I sit here, so far away, I cannot help but think of how we are all interconnected, just a few clicks away. The clock tower just struck one a.m. and a group of students walked by and asked, "Is everything was okay, mate?" I looked over silently and the janitor on a smoke break behind me answered, "yeah, just having a smoke." They passed and he paced around and eventually noticed me sitting below the steps in the grass. He said hello and mentioned how they must have been talking to me. I shrugged and said I thought they were talking to him. "Was there something unusual with sitting in the grass at one a.m. on my laptop?" I thought. He finished his cigarette and coffee and offered me a cup. Considering the time I declined his offer but he suggested hot chocolate and I gladly accepted. A brilliantly warm cup of hot chocolate with milk was handed to me with a smile and a "cheers, mate." I couldn’t express my gratitude enough, and he was gone, back into the building, with a whistle and a shut of a door. I love this city, this country, life.

It is the last day in March, and I have mid-term tests next week in two papers or classes. In my first few weeks here I kept dreaming of home, of friends and experiences and situations of my past, in the states, and everything except New Zealand. I would wake and almost forget where I was. The smell of the air from my window and the view of the hills in the distance and it quickly came back. It wasn't until about a month in that I began to remember and recognize my dreams of life abroad, or more accurately, my new home. I began to feel like I was really living here and not just away from someplace. It was during dinner this evening (consisting of steak, mashed potatoes and corn on the cob) that I had a strange case of déjà vu. It was the complete moment, words said, faces, gestures, setting, everything in its place; I was still and quiet. It is quite an odd thing, I feel as if I can almost remember a time when I woke up from a dream, and the dream was this moment, but was this just a memory of a not so distant situation of the same? Hm. Well the janitor came out and said the sprinklers start about this time in the night, I should get going. Goodnight.

a day.

i woke up this mourning.
this mourning, i woke up.
i rubbed my blurry eyes,
sat up and grabbed my glasses.
the sun passed through the opening
of my window shade,
reflected off a mirror
and gently kissed my face.
a time before would have been given,
gone before a thought was risen
aloft along the rest of them
so keen to just run down the stairs.
i stared.
i paused just brief so the light would gleam
changing waves of complacent seems
giving birth like mourning dew.
shining on through and through.

so much, so long, hello.

Well it seems that keeping a journal was at the tip top of my mind from the beginning, thoughts, experiences, tastes, smells, flora, fauna, all kept neatly tied and leather bound. As days passed and timetables established and friends made the attempts at keeping thoughts on paper were left at the 'do tomorrow' priority as there was so much to do today! Such that it's been over a month and I have but a bit of it written and so much kept inside, lingering and churning throughout my mind day on and out and it is time that dissolves the details and that mustn't happen, cannot happen, and certainly will if this procrastination continues. Soo, where to begin?

Yesterday it was St. Patrick’s day, which turned into a celebration of Irish along with my birthday. Technically it was still my twenty-first in the states, so it worked. The culmination of life at twenty-one years and a customary drinking day made for quite a night. This past weekend I attended a wild foods festival on the west coast in Hokitiki. Pickled hulu, sheep testical, deep fried cow tit, worm truffle, osterige, kangaroo, haggish, whitebait, kava fiji water, were all consumed, along with some late night fish n chips to top it off. Whew. They put beets on chicken sandwiches here, why not right? Before that was my second week of lectures of this semesters papers (classes). I just had to look at the calendar to map out days and events in my head and realized I’ve been here for thirty-six days and how that flew by! So much has happened; it feels like I’ve been here for so long. So the weekend before I last left off (march 6 thru 8) I hired (rented) a bike with a few friends and rode along the otago harbor and visited the larnach gardens and castle. The trip was forty kilometers, which is roughly twenty-five miles. The week before that was the first proper week of lectures, which gave me excitement of all the knowledge to come this semester. The week before that was orientation week, which included heaps of concerts and events for the incoming students. I had my first opening to the buzzing college life that makes Dunedin. The population is a hundred thousand and there are twenty thousand students, and that twenty percent makes quite a stir for the city. The week prior was an amazing road trip to the fiordlands, down around the southern coast, and the Catlins. I accompanied a friend from Kalamazoo, Chanterelle, who has been studying in Napier and woofing on an organic farm since November. That trip started three days after arrival in New Zealand. Still jet lagged and tingling with the new world buzz, off we went to venture this beautiful land. Plane ride here went exceptionally well, but what a long flight it was. If it wasn't for wine and great conversation from the single serving friend from LA to Auckland, I might have gone crazy. It was on the shuttle bus from international to domestic terminals in Auckland that I one of those unexplainable coincidence, meant to be, presumably fate, occurrences where I met a man named Lawrence who works for national geographic along with the natural history filmmaking grad program here at Otago. I had to interrupt his conversation with two other people but I couldn't help myself after hearing is film topic conversation alongside a glance at his nat geo hat. He was happy to hear of my travels and study topics and gave me his card to get into contact sometime. Hello New Zealand!

There is much more than the brief snippets of details from trips said above, but for now this will due. Along with proactive journey updates I must also manage some time better and sleep is necessary at this moment. say, goodnight.